Lametones de Amor

Una llamada a la incorrección en agradables tonos pastel

Han muerto dos (2) personas

Hola, amiguitos, ya están aquí las consecuencias de la codicia de la maquinaria alimenticia postindustrial. Ya se nos había dicho años atrás, cuando el ministro Cañete iba de comedor en comedor poniéndose hasta las cejas de ternera en lo que fue su versión del affaire Palomares pero en atasco arterial, que el periodo de incubación de la encefalopatía esponjiforme bovina era de cinco a ocho ( 5 a 8 ) años tras el cual uno acababa con el cerebro hecho un queso gruyere. Este trágico hecho encierra una gran carga de justicia poética y kármica, amén de una trama más abigarrada que la de Marbella: reses que, en su ignorancia animalesca, habían sido forzadas a comer restos pulverizados de sus propias congéneres destruyen de manera póstuma y ciega los sesos de personas cuya implicación en la oscura trama necrobovina era seguramente nula. Venganza inter-especies a lo caló, xeno-enfermedades cerebrales, beneficios multimillonarios para los auténticos responsables y, por supuesto, el familiar sentimiento de impotencia que le causan a uno los desastres naturales, los accidentes imprevisibles y las acciones perversas de las megacorporaciones del mal.
Como pueden pensar, pese a la futilidad de cualquier acción llevada a cabo a día de hoy, se ha desatado una cierta psicosis que recorre como la pólvora las conversaciones más populares. Al fin y al cabo, a cualquiera le podría tocar acabar sus días con un rápido declive neuronal, locura y muerte, y todo por una afición desmesurada a la casquería (Pérez Abellán debe estar acojonado) o al tuétano. Podrían ser ustedes, o nosotros mismo, mas ya no hay nada que hacer, sino esperar. Sin embargo, en este mundo loco loco loco, la noticia de la mortalidad causada Creutzfeldt-Jakobs ha hecho que las acciones de Pescanova suban hasta un siete por ciento (7%). Así hasta el próximo vertido petrolero o de metales pesados, que subirán los tomates; hasta que se descubra la toxicidad del último pesticida, que subirá el pollo; hasta que aparezca una nueva fuente de dioxinas,… y cosas así.

Esta vaca locaa. loca, loca...

Renovación y oración
Seguramente se hayan dado cuenta de que su página de referencia en decadencia del nuevo milenio y tonos pastel, Lametones de Amor, está últimamente respondiendo de una forma renqueante. No nos referimos al hecho de que hayamos publicado tres (3) artículos en sendos meses, sino ya a un nivel puramente técnico. La base de datos que sustenta esta bitácora, o revistilla, o como quieran llamarlo, está fallando como una escopeta de feria aceitada con grasa animal en manos de un chimpacé ciego. Nuestra hipótesis, aunque un tanto descabellada, es que el culpable de dicha anomalía es la versión anticuada del gestor de contenidos. Por lo tanto, nos vemos en la obligación de actualizar a la última entrega de WordPress, que Dios nos pille confesados.
Las posibles consecuencias de este trámite son múltiples, entre ellas la pérdida total del diseño de la página. Pero no se alarmen demasiado, que lo peor que puede pasar es que desaparezcan todas las entradas y los comentarios… ¿ven como no era nada grave? Afortunadamente, tendría solución, pero no queremos aburrirles contándoles cuan pesadito es llevar todos las copias de seguridad actualizadas al día.
Ahora, a redondear la analogía: nuestro posible declive conduce al alza de otros. Si hay un colectivo en internet que siempre ha merecido tener en favoritos de su navegador, éste es sin duda el de la maravillosa web Esponjiforme Entertainment. Llevan más años en la brecha que nosotros dando el callo semana sí, semana también; algo que no podemos decir nosotros. Son más y más divertidos y además con estudios académicos. Sabemos también que no es ninguna novedad, y que recomendar a los Esponjis como e-zine es un poco como recomendar a Philip K. Dick como escritor de ciencia ficción, es decir: una obviedad. Y sin embargo eso no es óbice para que insistamos una vez más en que si usted no visita Esponjiforme Entertainment, y en especial suWeblocke, es usted un mindundi y un pelagatos.

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